How Max Maeder’s parents Hwee Keng and Valentin first met almost 30 years ago

Olympic kitefoiling bronze medallist Max Maeder’s parents, Valentin and Hwee Keng have been married for almost 30 years, but did you know they have never taken studio shots before?
“Wow! This is the first time we are taking pictures like this together,” laughed Hwee Keng, 52, as she and Valentin, 60, posed for 8days.sg.
The couple, who also has two other sons, Karl, 15, and Valentin Jr, nine, shared that most of their cherished pictures were taken casually among family.
Hwee Keng, a Singaporean, first met Swiss native Valentin in 1996 during a dinner party where a cheeky exchange happened.
He was doing business here and she was on her first job assignment “selling advertisements for a dive magazine”. They both now work at the Wakatobi Dive Resort, which they built, on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi. 
“Everyone stood up [after dinner] and I immediately commented, ‘Oh, wow! You are very tall’ to which he responded, ‘I had shorter girlfriends’.
“I remember thinking, ‘What is he talking about?'” recounted Hwee Keng.
It seems Valentin was in full charm mode, even wanting to call a cab for Hwee Keng as she was leaving but she rebuffed him, saying: “This is my country. I know my way around.”
Yikes. Is it just us or are we seeing where Max and his brothers got their independence from?
However, it seems whatever Valentin did must have won Hwee Keng over as they exchanged numbers during that dinner party.
Hwee Keng shared that when they started dating, she initially left for London while Valentin stayed on in Singapore.
“We only saw each other more than a month later after returning,” she said.
Of course, we couldn’t help but ask between the couple who apologises first after a quarrel. 
While Valentin gamely admitted it’s him, Hwee Keng simply responded: “There are apologies… and there are apologies.”
“Men like to say, ‘I’m sorry’ not because they are sincere, [but because] they don’t want to get into any more trouble,” she added.
But Hwee Keng said she doesn’t see it as who apologises first, but more of whether she remembers the incident or not.
“I will go to bed angry, and wake up forgetting I’m angry,” she laughed.
Valentin good-naturedly chimed in: “They [your partner] must have a good heart, good humour…”.
Hwee Keng then cheekily added, “…And bad memory…” before Valentin said, “…And low expectations.” 
He went on to share a memorable incident that confirmed Hwee Keng was the woman for him.
Hwee Keng was riding a horse with her niece when it suddenly took off.
“By the time the horse had stopped, her [Hwee Keng] knees were all bloodied from being dragged along the gravel,” said Valentin.
“But she didn’t once look at her injury as she was too concerned if the child was alright,” he added.
WHAT A STORY!
VALENTIN: I was deeply touched by what I saw, and I knew I wanted to have a lion mother like that for my kids.
It’s a defining trait which showed that she would always be there for them no matter what.
THREE ACTIVE KIDS AND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. HOW DO YOU CARVE OUT TIME FOR YOURSELVES WITH YOUR BUSY SCHEDULES? 
HWEE KENG: We are still trying! Never mind. There are some pleasures we can enjoy later in life.
WHAT HAVE BOTH OF YOU LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELVES THROUGH BRINGING UP YOUR KIDS? 
VALENTIN: (Smiles) She will say I am a great father… Husband… I’m not so sure (laughs).
HWEE KENG: He is very patient which is good for the kids. They get a lot of their self-confidence from him.
MAX AND HIS SIBLINGS, KARL AND VALENTIN JR, ARE HOMESCHOOLED. WAS THERE EVER A TIME YOU DOUBTED THE PATH YOU TOOK? 
HWEE KENG: Unlike him [Valentin], I was always on the verge of enrolling them into school and questioning if I did the right thing.
I faced a lot of challenges, especially when I was always asked by both sides, his family and mine, to put my kids in a conventional school.
They really gave it to me then.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN TOUGH. 
HWEE KENG: If both me and him had doubts, we wouldn’t have gone ahead with homeschooling our kids.
I think it’s very normal when you do something other than convention. You will always have doubts because there is no benchmark.
Everyone including me was uncomfortable but I have learned that if you sit in discomfort for a while, like what Max has said, you will surprise yourself with what you can do.
VALENTIN: Every kid is different, and, in our case, we are lucky to see that they didn’t need much structure.
I would say education involves a lot of love and good examples, and that happens to a large extent, within the family.
WAS MAX AN EASY CHILD TO RAISE? 
HWEE KENG: The easiest!
VALENTIN: We couldn’t have asked for an easier time (laughs).
Just don’t squeeze him. I tried getting him to do something when he was about 15 months old, and it caused a lot of anguish and tears. It made me realise that forcing them to do something isn’t the approach I would take.
HWEE KENG: I think our kids love their freedom. You can’t force them to do something they don’t want to do. Even Max who is normally agreeable.
They have our blood in them! (Guffaws)
HWEE KENG, YOU MENTIONED MAX IS VERY KIASU [AFRAID OF LOSING OUT]. WOULD THAT BE HIS MOST SINGAPOREAN TRAIT? 
HWEE KENG: You tell me! He is very competitive by nature and since young he disliked the feeling of losing.
You know what… he hates to lose, more than he likes to win (laughs).
It is kiasu. Just not in the same way as joining a queue.
HOW ABOUT KARL, YOUR SECOND SON? 
HWEE KENG: He is fiercely independent! (Laughs)
VALENTIN: Even at six months, he wouldn’t allow me to hold him if he didn’t want to.
I swear his first words were “Let me down!”
HWEE KENG: He likes to do his own things and you can’t cram his style.
I remember trying to beat him, and he went, “Mum, you don’t need to beat me”. Then he ran [to face] the wall.
There was once I tried to lock him in the toilet, and I got frightened and went to open the door.
He simply said: “Mum, if you want to lock me [in], please close the door”.
HE SURPRISES YOU AT EVERY TURN. 
HWEE KENG: He once asked, “You want to use the cane, you want to use the belt. Next time will you brand me like a cow?”
VALENTIN: We realised quickly we would get much further with the soft and loving approach.
HWEE KENG: The softer you are with him, the better the results. The more you run after him, the further he runs away.
DURING THE OLYMPICS, YOU GAINED PRAISE ON SOCIAL MEDIA FOR SAYING “WE LOVE YOU” TO MAX INSTEAD OF “GOOD LUCK” BEFORE HIS RACE. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? 
HWEE KENG: Yes! It is from my heart.
I feel good luck is focused on the outcome. That is not my role. My role is to give love and support, so why should I say good luck? I didn’t want to say it at all.
To me, it really doesn’t matter whether he medals. The Olympics is an event of your life. It’s not the event that defines life.
VALENTIN, YOU MENTIONED TO MAX THAT TO BE A WORLD CHAMPION, “YOU CAN’T SIT AROUND IN A CLASSROOM”. HAS ANYONE CRITICISED YOU FOR THAT STATEMENT?
VALENTIN: They are welcome to try (laughs). But I also want to say is, not every sport is the same.
HWEE KENG: Exactly!
VALENTIN: You can have a badminton court right next to the school, but if you do ocean sports, like say, sailing, it is a little tougher, right?
Like what you see in sports schools, their schedules can’t fit conventional schools.
HWEE KENG: It is like dancing. If you ask a dancer to sit all day in class, how is she going to practise?
WE SPOTTED YOU AT THE CHEER POINT ALONG VICTORIA STREET AND WONDERED WHY YOU DIDN’T JOIN MAX ON THE BUS? 
HWEE KENG: We were asked but decided not to join them. We are not athletes and I feel it isn’t the right message to start glorifying things that aren’t necessary.
This story was originally published in 8Days.
For more 8Days stories, visit https://www.8days.sg/